‘Twas The Night Before Star Wars
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‘Twas the night before Star Wars, and geeks queued round the world
Counting the hours ’til the new flick was unfurled
The TIE fighters were hung atop the cinema with care
In hopes that Lord Vader soon would be there
The action figures were nestled home snug in their ship
With light sabre clutched tight in Skywalker’s grip
The Yoda masks sat in a pile on the ground
While Wookiees and Ewoks strolled casually around
When somewhere behind me there arose such a clatter,
I turned round my head to see what was the matter.
I jostled and pushed and tried to summon the Force,
To see what was up (while keeping my position, of course).
The twin moons on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of Hoth to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes did suddenly spook us,
But a miniature pod racer and good ol’ George Lucas
George looked so cheery, so lively and happy
I knew in a moment that the reviews were not crappy
More rapid than the Falcon, his actors they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
“Now Hayden! Now Natalie!
Now Samuel L Jackson!
On, Ian! On, Ewan!
Give me non-stop live action
To the edge of the galaxy
To a lava pit mine
The reviews are all in
And they’re all mostly fine”
And the word spread wide, thanks to small mobile phones
That this one was superior to Attack Of The Clones
And outside the theatres where Star Wars faithful did queue
The cast went and greeted, and so did George too.
At the front of the queue was a man resembling a Hutt
All flabby and rotund with a whopping great butt
And behind him stood one dressed as Darth Maul
But they weren’t the worst. Oh no! Not at all!
Three jawas, a snow monster, a protocol droid
Fifteen Boba Fetts (clearly ones to avoid)
The line of geeks seemed to trouble the cast
But not George who embraced all from the first to the last
His eyes–how they twinkled! His smile, a flash!
You could see his mind working, calculating the cash
His brow, it furrowed, drawn up like a bow,
As he calculated how high the revenue would go
He multiplied audience by base ticket price
He multiplied again for franchise merchandise
I could not imagine how high the sums got
But I know George was smiling. He was smiling a lot!
He was bespectacled and bearded, and incredibly wealthy
And I laughed when I saw him, perhaps more than was healthy.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but ushered us all straight inside,
Nodded to the projectionist, face flushed with pride.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, from his back seat he rose.
He sprang to his racer, as opening text scrolled,
And away his cast flew and off ol’ George strolled.
But I heard him exclaim as he waved see you later,
“Happy Sith days to all, enjoy the rise of Darth Vader”
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Posted: May 18th, 2005 under miscellany.
Tags: attack of the clones, beards, breasts, clones, darth maul, ewoks, geeks, greatness, jawas, lava, lord vader, protocol droid, samuel l jackson, superiors, twin moons, wookiees