Astonishing Tales

I see twistin

Chubby Checker, the singer who tantalised the world in the 1960s with his twin hitsLet’s Twist AgainandThe Twist (reverse order), today announced that he was looking for a new director for the upcoming movie based on his life story. The original director and Checker have parted ways, citing ‘creative differences’ and a ‘fundamental lack of respect for dance crazes’.

Chubby Checker, whose name was derived as a play on words from Fats Domino (who, in turn, derived his name from Chinese pop star, Porky Mahjong), explains that he got the idea for a movie based around his life after watchingRay, the Academy Award-winning parody of Ray Charles.

“I figured that if they could make a successful movie about him, they could make an even more successful one about me,” said Checker. “After all, what was the only hit that Ray Charles ever had?Shake A Tailfeather. Which was a song all about dance crazes such asThe Twist. I say: go straight to the source, baby.”

“So the first thing I did was get on the phone to my agent/dentist and ask him to hire ‘the best Twist director in Hollywood.’ Unfortunately, I ended up with him,” said Checker, referring to original director M. Night Shyamalan, director of such ‘shock ending films’ asThe Sixth Sense,Unbreakable and that other one.

“It was all a ghastly mismatch from Day One,” confirmed Shyamalan. “I’d been hired to put my style on the film, so I was thinking, y’know, what if Chubby’s at a concert, but the concert is being attended by aliens? Or what if Chubby can do the twist, but not if he’s exposed to water? Or what if we watch the whole movie before we suddenly discover at the end that it’s not Chubby introducing us to the twist but rather the rest of humanity introducing Chubby to a more normal way of relating to music?”

“You see what I had to put up with?” said Checker. “I just wanted a simple movie – maybe me singing a few songs, dancing a bit, showing off my beef jerky franchise. Throw in a car chase and some underwear models and we’re done. I don’t need ghosts or creepy-ass kids who can see ‘twistin’ people’. But he wouldn’t let it go. Eventually we agreed to part ways.”

M. Night Shyamalan revealed that he did, however, depart with a small triumph. “I never told him what the ‘M’ stood for. I’ll just cling to that one.”

“Who cares?” responded Checker, when told of this. “‘Mad as a March hare’? It doesn’t really matter. All I know is that Shyamalan has no sense of 60s dance crazes – no feel for them, no connection to them. And that is his loss.”

“Shows what he knows,” retorted Shayamalan, before dropping his voice to a whisper. “The ‘M’ is for ‘Mashed Potato’. Yes. As in the dance craze of the same name.”

There was a brief pause before Shyamalan came clean. “Actually that’s not true, but it would have made for one hell of a twist to this story, don’t you think?”

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