Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Rumour has it that there’s something queer going on in Smallville. That some of the balder members of the cast may be having a gay old time. That, to be perfectly blunt, there’s a strong homoerotic subtext to the Smallville storyline.

After serious and prolonged investigation of these hoyay-iffic claims, I’ve come to the considered conclusion that it’s all a misunderstanding brought on by overexcited fan fiction readers and writers. The only gay antics I’ve seen on Smallville are the character of Morph Lass and her understandable Sapphic lust for Miss Lana Lang. There is also, of course, the undeniable sexual tension between Bo Kent and the SS Jor-El, but that’s where it ends, people.

But what, you might say, about young master Luthor’s obsession with Superlad? Why is it that, ever since he woke up from a car crash to the powerful lips of the Kryptonian breathing fresh life into his lungs, he has been able to think of nothing else? How about the fact that he’s a twenty-something bald billionaire playboy whose life seemingly revolves around a teenage boy (a buff, former construction model, twenty-something teenage boy, to be sure, but still…)? What about the look that he gave Superlad when the boy showed up dressed top to bottom in black leather, thanks to the nefarious influence of Red Kryptonite?

For the love of Caesar’s Ghost, some of you might be screaming, he’s got a freaking shrine set up to the super-powered one. How can there possibly be any doubt of his gay love for Superlad?

To which I say… well, when you put it that way…

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