Dan Liebke’s Astonishing Tales

1st of December, 2004 Diary Note: 3:50 pm Lunch with Joe Esterhaus. Discussed my proposal for investment in current film. JE suggested that with wedding profit projections, I could receive 40% of net profits, associate producer credit and walk-on cameo as pizza delivery boy. Balked at ‘net’. Tried to negotiate further but JE too distracted by my cantaloupe salad.
2nd of December, [...]

Turns out Bo is okay. A pitiful coronary bypass isn’t enough to keep him down. “I’ll be right as chips to go home shortly,” he says, even as the doctors are sewing his chest cavity up.
“Well, don’t you rush it, Bo,” says Boring Old Ma. “Not all Kents are blessed with superinvulnerability.”
“No,” says Bo and [...]

Dear Dr Dan,
I keep seeing double. What should I do?
– Imperfect Vision
Dear Imperfect Vision,
Close one eye.

As payback for years of pain and anguish and for all the torment that I caused them, especially in my teen years, my parents decided to give me the “gift” (and I use the term gift loosely) of throwing me out of a plane cruising at 14,000 feet for my 30th birthday.
So, bright and early [...]

Dear Dr Dan,
Everything I’ve been planning for my wedding has been ruined by my boss…what should I do?
– Upset Bride To Be
Dear Upset Bride To Be,
Why on Earth in these enlightened times, where men and women areconsidered moral and logistical equals, are you referring toyour husband-to-be as ‘boss’?? This is where yourproblem lies - rectify [...]

There’s nothing quite like a good caper movie. For example,electromagnetism is not like a good caper movieand nor is a bucket full of dead fish. I suppose that a cleverly written TV show about a caper might be a littlebit like a good caper movie, but on the other hand, youwouldn’t be in the cinema [...]

Rumour has it that there’s something queer going on in Smallville. That some of the balder members of the cast may be having a gay old time. That, to be perfectly blunt, there’s a strong homoerotic subtext to the Smallville storyline.
After serious and prolonged investigation of these hoyay-iffic claims, I’ve come to the considered conclusion [...]

Pan past a group of Smallville students doing their mandatory run through the creeks and mountains of Smallville, Kansas. They jog with purpose and determination, but are effortlessly overtaken by the Skinny New Kid, who surges onto the Smallville athletic track, does a final lap and then wanders off for some Gatorade.
Lana is serving the [...]

So it all starts with Lana talking to Superlad about her concerns about WM2.
“I’m just deeply suspicious about the reasons for him being here and how he seems to prefer living in Smallville than living in Paris and how his mother is apparently a 600 year old witch named Dr Quinn who burned my spiritual [...]