Dan Liebke’s Astonishing Tales

1st of July, 2004 Diary Note: 3:00 pm Long lunch. Bill Murray has convinced Sofia Coppola to read script. SC ordered lettuce juice and chiko roll. Admitted to not reading entire script. Only surreal Bill Murray/Jessica Alba dream sequence. Likes it lots! Wants to flip entire film around so BM/JA sequence is reality, time travel thriller is dream. Unsure about [...]

The show opens in a promising fashion with TIAC all cranky at Superlad. Apparently, Superlad was supposed to come up with an article called ‘Capes: Back In Fashion?’ for TIAC’s silly newspaper. Instead, (perhaps as a protest against the lameness of TIAC’s title pun) he’s been out riding with Lana (riding horses, people).
“I’m never a [...]

People often (ie never) say to me ‘Don’t put allyour eggs in one basket!’ They think they are offeringme wise advice, but I rebut it thus: ‘Why,’ I say, ‘wouldI go to the trouble of opening the egg carton, taking outthe eggs, putting them all into their own individual basketand then try and carry twelve [...]

‘Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass isgreen and the girls are pretty.’ Well, yes. Now, I’m(perhaps surprisingly to regular readers) no crass-voiceddrug addict so maybe I’m missing what Axl and the boysare going for here, but I must confess to beinglyrically disappointed with this effort. Because, y’know, paradise,people!
I don’t want to [...]

Everybody now pretty much concedes that The Hollies’ classicHe Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother is byfar the finest fraternalbody mass-denying single of all time. Given such universal acclaim,I bet the boys are glad they didn’t go with their original lyricalconcept: Have YouSeen Young Bobby? Oy Vey, What A Porker!

So it’s late at night at The Death Claw, and wouldn’t youknow it, but there’s hooligans drinking in one of the cornerbooths.
“Sorry,” says Lana, like the monstrous pooper of parties thatshe is. “The coffee in here is strictly non-Irish!”
Of course, one cannot make such non-PC racial slurs these daysso the hooligans respond as any well-adjusted [...]