Dan Liebke’s Astonishing Tales

Well, it’s showdown time. Things are getting serious now. Crazy Audrey is not dead and in this episode she ups the ante in her ongoing war with Chipmunk Face. Who will win The Battle of the Repugnant Blondes?
Before we get to that, there’s the preliminary bout - namely Dunstan’s directorial debut. Now that Dunstan’s been [...]

The gang is in the bar and the episode begins disappointingly - Crazy Audrey is back. She’s sorry, and nobody cares. Chipmunk Face has cut her hair off even further in an even stupider haircut and people are far more interested in mocking that than listen to Crazy Audrey’s self-pitying monologue.
“I don’t expect any of [...]

Well, somewhere between all the Christmas festivities and watchings of Return of the King and the like, an episode of Dawson snuck on through. Let’s see if I can recall what happened.
Christmas has come and gone and Dimplestruck Barman has decided to give himself the gift of stupidity and disappear from Ah Joey’s life. He’s [...]

In a remarkable confluence between our world and the Dawsoniverse, it turns out that Christmas approacheth in each. Certainly, in the universe of Dunstan and his pals it’s a year earlier but let’s not quibble about such trivialities. The point is that it’s Christmas and Dunstan has invited the entire cast (minus Gay Jack who [...]

We open with a new Star Actor showing up on set to rescue Dunstan’s lame movie from the idiotic shambles it is inevitably becoming. He looks like a kind of demented Ashton Kutcher (ie he looks like Ashton Kutcher). Tempestuous Actress comes over all Demi Moore and goes giddy for him. Dunstan frowns.
He has volunteered [...]

Now, Gentle Dawson File Reader, some of you I know, most of you I do not - although I feel, in some kindof mysterious way that I do know each and everyone of you. I feel sure, for example, that if you and awhole heap of friends, loved ones and grotesque hangers-ondecided to go see [...]

Dear Dr Dan,
Will you marry me?
– Indecent Proposer
Dear Indecent Proposer,
Of course I’ll marry you.Dr Dan performs wedding ceremonies, exorcisms and pet seances every Saturday from 3 pm.I accept Visa, Mastercard, cheque or sexual favours.

You always know that it’s going to be a superb episodeof Dawson’s Creek when Dunstan himself does not botherto show. And so it proves in this latest episode.
We open with Ah Joey and Dimplestruck Barman continuingwith their outrageous flirtation. At one point Ah Joey’sdimples get dangerously overheated, but she flicks a coolingstrand of hair behind [...]

Well, by my reckoning it’s December 17th and that’s clearly Halloween. And if it’s Halloween, that means that it’s the All Hallow’s Eve special on Dawson’s Creek.
This in turn means that there’s a terribly lame Dunstan subplot where spooky going-on’s go on. This year it’s Dunstan having tricks played on him by British Director and [...]

Another day, another Dawson. Let’s see what happened, shall we?
We open with British Drum Machine, Gay Jack and Paceman’s flatmate, talking to Ah Joey about how she can tear strips off her T-Shirt, and how this would really improve her tips.
“Improve my what?!?” says Ah Joey.
“Tips,” says BDM. “T-I-P-S.”
… Ah Joey was hoping that BDM [...]