Dr Dan Lesson: Comedy Guide
Do you yearn to be a purveyor of humour and all round bon vivant? Of course you do. Dr Dan can help with his guide to writing comedy.
STEP 1 – SAY SOMETHING SILLY
This is difficult for most people but there are some fortunate souls such as Heather Graham to whom it comes naturally. However, if you’re not one of these blessed people, you must keep practising. And remember, the sillier the better.
STEP 2 – RESPOND IN A SILLY WAY
This is easier because you now have a stimulus. But still strive for the silliest response imaginable.
STEP 3 – REPEAT STEP 2 UNTIL YOU HIT A PUNCHLINE
If you’re very lucky, Step 1 will be a punchline and you can have lunch early.
A Worked Example
STEP 1
| Start | Comment |
| Hello | Bad |
| Hi! How’s life? | Bad |
| I’m Dr Dan | Bad |
| My shoe’s broken | Better |
| What’s your name? | Worse |
| My cat just died | Okay |
| My dog just died | Better (Remember: Dogs are funnier than cats) |
| My armadillo just died | Very Good (Remember: Armadilloes are hilarious) |
| Two armadilloes just died | Twice As Good |
| Ten million armadilloes just died | Worse. Why? |
| My dog’s got no larynx | Excellent |
JOKE 1.0 My dog’s got no larynx
STEP 2
| Response | Comment |
| Poor doggie | Bad |
| Is he all right? | Bad |
| Who cares? | Better |
| I know | Good. (But doesn’t develop joke) |
| I know. I removed it. | Much Better. (Could be a punchline) |
| How does he walk? | Close |
| How does he talk? | Bingo! |
JOKE 1.1 My dog’s got no larynx. How does he talk?
STEP 3
| Response | Comment |
| He doesn’t | True. But Dull. |
| He uses semaphore | Better. |
| Awful | Awful. |
| In Latin | So-So. |
| Dogs can’t talk, moron. | Quite Good. |
| Pardon? | This Just Wastes Time. |
At this stage, I could have chosen one of the above and kept going but something told me that, with a minor alteration in Step 1, I’d have it. It is this gut instinct which is often the difference between a successful Jokesmith and a rotting bag of excrement. So back I went.
STEP 1 (Take 2)
| Start | Comment |
| My armadillo’s got no larynx | Good. (Armadilloes are hilarious.) |
| My dog’s got no head | Also Good |
| My dog doesn’t exist | Punchline (This stands alone. Brilliant!) |
| My dog’s got no friends | Bad |
| My dog’s got some friends | Worse |
| My dog knows the Pope | Worse Still |
| My dog’s got no nose | This Could Be It! Excellent! |
I had a better starting point but the joke still didn’t work.
JOKE 2.0 My dog’s got no nose. How does he talk?
After a few weeks thought, the solution came to me. The first response was altered and the second response was added.
JOKE 2.1 My dog’s got no nose. How does he smell? He doesn’t.
This was almost right, and after a few alterations, Joke 2.3 was it. What was Joke 2.3? You can find out in my book – it’s called Dog Jokes and it contains all the jokes I created on the way to Joke 2.3. Recommended retail price is $49.95 and it’s available at all good book shops and a few poorly thought out tobacconists.
– Dr. Dan
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Dog Jokes by Dr Dan
Like laughing at dogs? Like to imagine them with amusing bodily injuries? Then, Dog Jokes by Dr Dan, world famous Jokesmith, is the book for you. In this outstandingly hilarious look at dogs and their many amusing deformities, Dr Dan demonstrates how to make a joke, how to make it funny and how to really laugh hard at disfigured dogs.
Also by the same author:
- Road-Crossing Jokes incl. ‘Why did the armadillo cross the road?’
- Contaminated Soup Jokes incl. ‘Waiter, there’s an armadillo in my soup?’
- Light Bulb Jokes incl. ‘How many armadilloes does it take to change a light bulb?’
- Doctor Jokes incl. A comprehensive list of G.P.’s, specialists and medical students.
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Posted: November 25th, 2003 under lessons.
Tags: armadillo jokes, fortunate souls, gut instincts, heather graham, minor alterations, silliness, writing comedy