Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Do you yearn to be a purveyor of humour and all round bon vivant? Of course you do. Dr Dan can help with his guide to writing comedy.

STEP 1 – SAY SOMETHING SILLY

This is difficult for most people but there are some fortunate souls such as Heather Graham to whom it comes naturally. However, if you’re not one of these blessed people, you must keep practising. And remember, the sillier the better.

STEP 2 – RESPOND IN A SILLY WAY

This is easier because you now have a stimulus. But still strive for the silliest response imaginable.

STEP 3 – REPEAT STEP 2 UNTIL YOU HIT A PUNCHLINE

If you’re very lucky, Step 1 will be a punchline and you can have lunch early.

A Worked Example

STEP 1

Start	Comment
Hello	Bad
Hi! How’s life?	Bad
I’m Dr Dan	Bad
My shoe’s broken	Better
What’s your name?	Worse
My cat just died	Okay
My dog just died	Better (Remember: Dogs are funnier than cats)
My armadillo just died	Very Good (Remember: Armadilloes are hilarious)
Two armadilloes just died	Twice As Good
Ten million armadilloes just died	Worse. Why?
My dog’s got no larynx	Excellent

JOKE 1.0 My dog’s got no larynx

STEP 2

Response	Comment
Poor doggie	Bad
Is he all right?	Bad
Who cares?	Better
I know	Good. (But doesn’t develop joke)
I know. I removed it.	Much Better. (Could be a punchline)
How does he walk?	Close
How does he talk?	Bingo!

JOKE 1.1 My dog’s got no larynx. How does he talk?

STEP 3

Response	Comment
He doesn’t	True. But Dull.
He uses semaphore	Better.
Awful	Awful.
In Latin	So-So.
Dogs can’t talk, moron.	Quite Good.
Pardon?	This Just Wastes Time.

At this stage, I could have chosen one of the above and kept going but something told me that, with a minor alteration in Step 1, I’d have it. It is this gut instinct which is often the difference between a successful Jokesmith and a rotting bag of excrement. So back I went.

STEP 1 (Take 2)

Start	Comment
My armadillo’s got no larynx	Good. (Armadilloes are hilarious.)
My dog’s got no head	Also Good
My dog doesn’t exist	Punchline (This stands alone. Brilliant!)
My dog’s got no friends	Bad
My dog’s got some friends	Worse
My dog knows the Pope	Worse Still
My dog’s got no nose	This Could Be It! Excellent!

I had a better starting point but the joke still didn’t work.

JOKE 2.0 My dog’s got no nose. How does he talk?

After a few weeks thought, the solution came to me. The first response was altered and the second response was added.

JOKE 2.1 My dog’s got no nose. How does he smell? He doesn’t.

This was almost right, and after a few alterations, Joke 2.3 was it. What was Joke 2.3? You can find out in my book – it’s called Dog Jokes and it contains all the jokes I created on the way to Joke 2.3. Recommended retail price is $49.95 and it’s available at all good book shops and a few poorly thought out tobacconists.

– Dr. Dan

ADVERTISEMENT

Dog Jokes by Dr Dan

Like laughing at dogs? Like to imagine them with amusing bodily injuries? Then, Dog Jokes by Dr Dan, world famous Jokesmith, is the book for you. In this outstandingly hilarious look at dogs and their many amusing deformities, Dr Dan demonstrates how to make a joke, how to make it funny and how to really laugh hard at disfigured dogs.

Also by the same author:

• Road-Crossing Jokes incl. ‘Why did the armadillo cross the road?’
• Contaminated Soup Jokes incl. ‘Waiter, there’s an armadillo in my soup?’
• Light Bulb Jokes incl. ‘How many armadilloes does it take to change a light bulb?’
• Doctor Jokes incl. A comprehensive list of G.P.’s, specialists and medical students.

---

Related Pages

If you hated this, you'll probably also hate:

1. Study Guide - Here’s some tips on how to study effectively for your next exams and ensure you receive as many marks as possible. And possibly more! GENERAL TIP – If you don’t...
2. 5.07 A Lesson For Future Generations - Starring Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek) as Kid Flash/Mr Tosser/Dunstan, Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) as Ah Joey, Jen Lindley (Michelle Williams) as Chipmunk Face, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson) as...
3. Election Guide - Running for public office? Feel more than completely free to borrow any or all of Dr Dan’s Election Promises Dr Dan’s Election Promises If elected I solemnly promise that the...
4. Health Guide - Traditional health tips are boring and difficult to stick with. You need something easier. Traditional Tip: Eat Proper Foods Dr Dan Alternative: If proper foods were really that proper, they’d...
5. Anatomy Lesson - Just got back from lunch. Saw a book in the bookshop called Gray’s Concise Anatomy. Scanned quickly through it. Apparently, it covers everything apart from the left leg, the armpits,...