Dan Liebke’s Astonishing Tales

Marilyn Manson has apparently described his latest album The Golden Age of Grotesque as his ‘most genius deluge of hardcore guitar-drum violence and reckless electronic-punk vaudeville mixed with 30’s cabaret decadence and Arch-dandy dada. And the understanding of my art is only the sad product of journalism. Fuck art, I am art.”
‘So stand up dopplegangers, [...]

Just got back from doing some shopping for lightbulbs.Wouldn’t it be cool if you could buy light bulbs thatwhen you turned them on would give you ideas! Wouldn’tit be even cooler if those ideas were better than this one!!!

Nicole Kidman, Oscar-winningsuperstar of Batman Forever, is recovering from ahorrifying brush with cancer. Kidman,once married to Penelope Cruz, noticed a strangelump during a routine personality check andimmediately feared the worst.

“I was in theshower,” revealed the betowelled redhead,”Just checking everything out when itsuddenly occurred to me that rather than being araconteur with a sharp wit and [...]

The Grand Finale opens in NewYork where, just as Lord Smartypants so cleverlyexposited last issue, a giant psychic space alienhas exploded, killing all the supportingcharacters as well as a few million otherpeople.
We see several full-scale pagesof the devastation before seeing MegaSmurf andBimbo Lass wandering through the corpses.
MegaSmurf complains about howhe can’t see the future.
MegaSmurf complains [...]

So as Splotchface and CaptainPudgey approach Lord Smartypants’ Antarctichideout, Lord Smartypants watches them on his giant TV screens. They’re still far toofar away to worry about so he switches over to’Married With Children’.
Splotchey and Pudgey continueto try and work out just what, exactly, theyshould do when they arrive at Smartypants HQ.
… I votewe break his [...]

On the home straight now. We
open with President Nixon making his way into a military bunker, preparing himself to press the
button that will start a rip-snortin’ game of World War III.
Meanwhile, Captain Pudgey and Splotchface are sitting in the Owlmobile at the
bottom of the ocean, talking about chicks and breaking people’s fingers. Makes one kind [...]

Watched Three Kings last night, y’know, just to keep up my dailydose of Vitamin Wahlberg. My question is this: is there some kindof law prohibiting publicity people and advertisers from marketingthis film correctly? Every single preview and ad for this movieseems hell-bent on promoting it as a knockabout dose of comicalhijinks as Clooney and co [...]

Dear Dr Dan,
Had Ludwig Wittgenstein been a fruit, do you think he would have been an apple or a banana?
– Dr Slander
Dear Dr Slander,
Yes. Yes I do.

I saw Bruce Almighty last night. I have a theory that Bruce Almighty and The Hulk might be the same movie. They both star a loser called Bruce who, thanks to a rather convoluted set of circumstances, receives superhuman powers from a nutty old man playing god. It’s just that in one movie Bruce learns [...]