Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

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Starring Rorschach as Splotchface, Dr Manhattan (Jon Osterman) as Megasmurf, Nite Owl (Dan Dreiberg) as Captain Pudgey, Ozymandias as Lord Smartypants, The Comedian as The Dead Comedian and The Silk Spectre as Bimbo Lass. For more information on these people and more, consult the scorecard

Onto issue 2, and we open with Bimbo Lass visiting an old people’s home in California, while MegaSmurf and all the other heroes get rained upon at The Dead Comedian’s funeral. Bimbo Lass is visiting her mother, The Original Bimbo Lass, who is flipping through a porno comic about her. Bimbo Lass gets all puritanical and chastises her mother for such crudity, so, out of spite, The Original Bimbo Lass has a flashback to the day The Dead Comedian raped her.

In 1940, this was considered much more important … than … holding press conferences to denounce the dangers of social drug use.

It had started as a pretty typical day, with The Dead Comedian and The Original Bimbo Lass and Captain Pudgey Senior and Mosquito Man and Hood Head and the rest all gathering for a happy snap. In 1940, this was considered much more important for superhero groups than, say, fighting crime or averting disasters or holding press conferences to denounce the dangers of social drug use.

After the photo, they all decide to head back to Captain Pudgey Senior’s place to pass around some ‘Indiana hay’. Original Bimbo Lass says she’ll be along soon – she just has to get changed. Naturally, The Dead Comedian translates this as ‘please wait behind and then sneak in and rape me’. And so he does until Hood Head shows up and beats him up.

And that’s the end of that flashback. But it’s most certainly not the end of flashbacks in general, for this issue is all about flashbacks to memories of The Dead Comedian, and his wacky sense of humour.

Next up for a flashback is Lord Smartypants, who intelligently reminisces about 1966, when one of the old superheroes tried to recruit all the new ones (Splotchface, MegaSmurf, Bimbo Lass, etc) to fight crimes and avert dangers and hold press conferences… blah, blah, blah… social drug use.

The Dead Comedian puts forth the opinion that this is a totally stupid way to spend time.

“Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t,” says Lord Smartypants, demonstrating the precocious intellect for which he is so rightly renowned.

“And maybe… it is,” retorts The Dead Comedian, in yet another example of his off-the-wall humour. And then he goes on to crack everybody up by pointing out that within thirty years, a nuclear conflagration will inevitably destroy everybody.

He can’t say any more, because he’s consumed with the giggles. So we end that flashback there.

MegaSmurf’s flashback … is all about the time … that The Dead Comedian hilariously shot a pregnant woman in the face

And now it’s off to MegaSmurf’s flashback, which is all about the time in Vietnam that The Dead Comedian hilariously shot a pregnant woman in the face and then wittily claimed that it was all MegaSmurf’s fault for not stopping him. Hahaha. Good one, Dead Comedian.

Then it’s time for Captain Pudgey’s flashback, and he flashes back to the 1970s when Captain Pudgey and The Dead Comedian had to disperse a rioting crowd (possibly because of the prevalence of disco music at the time).

There is hesitation on the part of Captain Pudgey. “Who are we to question their taste in music?” he says.

“If I see KC or The Sunshine Band about,” says The Dead Comedian. “I’ll butcher the lot of them.” And then he throws tear gas into the crowd.

“Ooooooooooooo-kay,” says Captain Pudgey, and slinks away.

And that’s the end of that flashback, and the end of the funeral. But it’s not the end of the issue, for Splotchface manages to follow a supervillain who attended the funeral back to his home.

Just for the hell of it, Splotchface crashes through the window and just about scares the old villain to death, but not before he gets a chance to flashback also.

It’s a pretty pitiful flashback – only a week ago – but it contains vital clues as to why The Dead Comedian may have been thrown out the window to his death. Some gibberish about secret islands and cancer and a trap for MegaSmurf and so forth. Nobody knows quite what to make of it all, so Splotchface instead decides to head over to the graveyard himself and plonk a rose on it.

No word on whether the rose was one of those one that squirt water at people, but I’d like to think it was.

That’s all. Plenty of flashback stuff, and some mystery-endeepening. Another very good issue. 4 smiley faces from me.

Next Issue: MegaSmurf is attacked!! Possibly by Gargamel.

Related Pages

If you hated this, you'll probably also hate:

1. The Watchmen Files, Issue 5: Splotchface Unsplotched!
2. The Watchmen Files, Issue 7: Captain Pudgey and Bimbo Lass Get It On
3. The Watchmen Files, Issue 1: Boy That’s Funny!
4. The Watchmen Files, Issue 9: The Secret Origin of Bimbo Lass
5. The Watchmen Files, Issue 12: The Grand Finale