Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Excerpt from Guide To Style For Beginning Best-Selling Novelists.

“Usage Note: autograph and automatic weapon have no senses in common. As a verb ‘autograph’ is most commonly used in the sense of ‘to sign a crappy piece of paper or object in order to quadruple its value due to unparalleled fame’ (eg ‘Kenny Loggins decided to autograph my buttocks despite the AVO’). ‘Automatic weapon’ means ‘to massacre with very powerful killing machinery’ and is not, technically speaking, a verb in any sense (eg ‘I decided to automatic weapon Kenny’s head in the hope that this would lesson him’). Thus the sentence ‘These measures may autograph savings’ could imply that the measures may write somebody’s name on the savings, whereas ‘These measures may automatic weapon savings’ implies that the measures will shoot your savings up big time. Neither sentence makes sense.“

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