Astonishing Tales

The pixelated menace of Robert Downey, Jr. When will cocaine learn?

The drug cocaine, star of such hit movies asScarface,Pulp Fiction andFlubber was yesterday found in a hotel room with Robert Downey, Jr. This is not the first such incident for the popular drug and while friends are saddened by the news, they are not surprised. Natham, an advertising executive and friend of cocaine, said “I am saddened by the news, but not surprised.” Rocco, a professional murderer, elaborated further: “A lot of drugs have tried Robert Downey Jr – heroin, speed, alcohol, yellow sherbet – but none of them have taken it quite so far as coke.”

Prostitution, a close companion of cocaine, is also said to be concerned. Julia Roberts, who portrayed prostitution in the gritty thrillerPretty Woman says “Prostitution has had a rough time recently, getting messed up with Charlie Sheen but it’s nothing compared to what’s going on with cocaine and Robert Downey, Jr. It’s been in and out of prison so many times and it still keeps coming back to Robert. You’d think it would have learned by now. To be frank, I’m as worried now as I was when it was hooked on John Belushi.”

But others have defended cocaine. “It’s not a bad drug,” said blue megastar Papa Smurf. “It’s just misunderstood. I think it’s smurfy.”

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